Begin Exploration of ED Theme

When we visited Casey to begin our independent research, I typed “eating disorder” into Art and Architecture Complete on a whim. The topic had been in the back of my mind consistently, so it seemed natural for me to inquire to the database about it. The two articles that came up so engaged me that I decided disordered eating is a topic I should continue to research in a supportive academic setting. I first read Crave, which was a personal narrative that questioned the definition of disordered eating; it was an interesting perspective that was much closer to my experience than the typical hospitalization narrative. The second and most important article that I discovered, which led to me feeling strongly that this was the correct topic to research, was Sublime Hunger: A Consideration of Eating Disorders beyond Beauty. This paper’s thesis is that those who suffer from eating disorders are actually just trying to experience the sublime and gain respect through the impossible control of nature in their bodies. This paper made so much sense to me and gave me a whole new vocabulary with which I want to create bodily imagery. This take on eating disorders was so intriguing and captivating I decided that I needed to read all of the unconventional literature on eating disorders that I could find.

I was having trouble finding more sources in the same vein so I went to Mayra at the library. She was so helpful with my research, she already knew what I was looking for because I had talked to her about it previously. So we ignored all of the art therapy results and she showed me how to find and use specific words in Galileo. I found quite a few more interesting articles, some religious and some art based, that I am working on reading now.

After reading Sublime Hunger: A Consideration of Eating Disorders beyond Beauty, I decided that it was time for me to bring to life a project that had been percolating in my brain for a few months. I had Maya meet me on the third floor of the library where I asked her to pose in a square window-like space, asking her to model how her anxiety feels. She has a dance background thus was an incredible model and I loved the photos I was able to capture of her. I wish that we could have done this project nude, maybe next time. I put some of the photos into photoshop and I am very happy with the results I have achieved so far, but it also feels like just the beginning of this series. Photoshop is a good space for me to quickly get ideas together and experiment with no consequences, but I do miss painting. I think it was positive for me to take a break from consuming content for research, to research by creating content, as it gave me the time to consider some of my motivations.

I’m looking at eating disorders through both an in-depth anthropological and a personal lense. While researching this subject in this context, it has dawned on me that all of my art made recently (and possibly ever) had focused on my eating disorders in a subconscious way. I think it is time for me to acknowledge the hidden subject I have been working with, and I do truly feel like this research is the first step. I am fascinated by the religious and philosophical takes on eating disorders I have read so far and I think now is the time for me to absorb information to shape my understanding of my reality. Then I can keep making art, but better.

I wanted to know what art was out there about Eating Disorders to see what other people have done, to feel inspiration or catharsis. But everything I had found prior to this research was cliche and boring. I typed the phrase “eating disorder” into about every search engine that was suggested to our Methods class. There weren’t very many results, so I tried words like “fat” and “thin,” which also came up with limited results. So it was by way of a miracle that I decided to research Joel Peter Witkin for our art talks later in the Methods Class. Within the first page of the book Joel Peter Witkin by Eugenia Perry, there was a mention that he used anorexics as subjects and models in his art, along with other groups that are seen as deviant by society. The art he creates about the female body suggests disorder, drama, and mystery. His work is incredibly inspiring to me and will be in the back of my mind as I continue to create.

I would describe my research process as curious wandering. I let myself move in whatever direction that excites me, but I try to be very deliberate about what I can find at each step. When I am interested in something I become very motivated and that passion is very helpful when the things I am researching seem hard to uncover. I think I am good at asking for help with my research but in the same vein, I may need to be more self-reliant and try harder to internalize better research methodologies. I want to continue tracking my research habits to try to get a better understanding of them. At the end of the day, it is very reassuring to me that I can spend so much time researching art; I know it is the right life work for me.