The developing process with chemicals was just like how I read about in books, but I honestly expected it to be more difficult. I almost wanted to be in the room alone so I could concentrate more on the counting to make sure I was keeping the photos in the chemicals for the right amounts of time. I am so thankful that I got to experience this art form and I understand the allure of the process of the dark room.

I think this session was incredibly helpful to me as I begin to try and understand the processes of Joel Peter Witkin. He is a black and white photo artist who manipulates his images in the darkroom by scratching and marking them to create a distinct style. I love the richness he creates in his photos and I believe that the darkroom process is inherent to his work.

It was a lot easier than I expected to stare at this piece for an hour. There is so much going on it held my interest for the entirety of the sixty minutes.

With “Faucet” I played with some new tools, including liquify. After much play I was able to use liquify to lengthen and curve the stream of water. I also drew on this piece to shade the water and create the droplets. This was the first work that combined drawing with the tablet and photography, which was super exciting for me. I also used the layer blending option which created a ghostly effect I really enjoy. I allowed this piece to become more conceptual with placing the faucet directly on top without interacting with my body.

“Tangle” is definitely the cumulation of all of the processes and gathering thoughts I had during the creation of this series. “Tangle” is about how my identity is in constant battle with itself, the inner arguments I have about gender and identity are constant and ongoing. The confusion that is created by the overlapping arms for the viewer is the confusion I feel if I think about myself too hard. I purposefully left only one face with open eyes that meet the gaze of the viewer. This clear gaze represents my hope that I can find my way through the mess of thoughts to just exist and find peace. The downturned faces contrast this eyes open face, with their unopened eyes that create a sense of self doubt. I create my identity visually and the color blue has become very important to me, so I had to have a huge plane of blue in the piece since my hair isn’t seen.

To summarize my prior works in this series, the images depict my searching to find something within myself and battling negative emotions and self doubt.

When I went back home for Thanksgiving break, I was able to have my mom (a professional photographer) take pictures for me. This was, I realize now, essential to my project. These pictures are beautiful by themselves because of the quality, which makes my current play works much more attractive. My mom also gave me a few photoshop tips which I am extremely grateful for, including but not limited to- spot healer, curves, and blending layers. I am glad i got to see her process and how different it is from mine. It reminded me that there are infinite possibilities with Photoshop, and I need to continue expanding my repertoire of tools. I have been playing with the curves and changing colors, as well as learning more about masks (how to flatten mask layers!!). 

My process is a lot faster now that I have developed a method.

I haven’t been thinking too deeply about concept or defining my motives because I can feel that the concepts are there lurking under the surface, waiting for whenever I want to discover them. I enjoy simply losing myself in the process. A few things I have considered conceptually involve emotional states, and how I can represent the feelings of isolation/inner emptiness I can feel at times. Because my last works deal with gender, I also feel like these pieces illustrate that unlike other people I have nothing/ no gender inside me where it is expected. I am also thinking about, in my works like Twins and Forest, what it means for me to support myself. I am glad Prof. Ruby told me to just keep making as many collages as I could, without worrying too much about the meaning. She also told me to continue to complicate the images and consider the “rules” of the worlds I am creating within my art. I think I took that advice to heart pretty well.

These are relatively in the order I made them. They definitely became more playful.

I have to mention Bunny Michael, a queer artist who I follow on instagram. Their inspirational works deal with them and their “higher self” and after making my images I saw that there was a visual (maybe conceptual) connection between our art. Check them out here. http://bunnymichael.com/

Sandy Skoglund’s work instantly captivated me. She uses color and live/unalive forms to create strong juxtapositions that draw in and confound the viewer. I enjoyed all of her work but found these two examples especially interesting. In “Palm Trees in Suspense” Skoglund uses photoshop in a collage method similar to ours! She focuses on high resolution photos and color to create a scene that draws the viewer in and makes the eye tumble around the image, trying to make sense of it. The picture has this sense of movement and action, as though it is a candid snapshot. That idea is contrasted with the obvious unrealistic color.

In “Fresh Hybrid” Skoglund uses both live humans and humanoid sculpture which is extremely surreal. Although color continues to be important in this work, to me texture and form are more essential. They make the space seem real, although we know it is not entirely. She warps our perception.

The more I think about Sandy Skoglund, the more I am inspired by her work. What was fun about my last series was the warping of perception, but I like the way she achieves that effect seamlessly. Color is so vital to her work, it really helps pull the viewer in. I want my works to play with color and perception in the way hers do. I am going to work with my body to continue the theme of my last series. I need to find the factor, however, that will create dissonance and interest. Right now in my play stage I have created images with interest but without the discomfort I desire. I want to continue thinking about my body and perceptions of it, possibly thinking of gender as well.

Here are two slightly different versions of today’s play.